I’m having one of those guilt trip moments that parents so frequently have. And though I’m sure most parents feel guilt over many many things, my guilt stems from my inability to stop carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I’ve said many times that Hails is the driving force behind my desire to make this world better. She’s not the only reason obviously. The older I’ve gotten, the more I feel that we each have a responsibility to try and impact this world for the better. I don’t think that we should just live for ourselves. If everyone did such, then there would be no Mother Theresa or civil rights movements.
Unfortunately it seems like indifference is a disease that’s spread rapidly from coast to coast, country to country. And it makes me angry, sad, but most of all frustrated. And so I try to explain things to Hails, as best as I can, as to why mommy cares about things that go on around the world. I’ve been asked if my time spent advocating or doing volunteer work wouldn’t be better spent, spending time with my daughter. So this is where my recent guilt is coming from.
Would my time be better spent just spending time with Hailey? I’m a firm believer in you must live how you preach. You must do as you say others should do. I can tell her this is the way life should be and it’s important that we do our parts, but if she doesn’t see her mother do it, then what kind of example am I for her?
I treasure times with her especially when there’s no MMMMMMOOOOOOMMMMMM I DON’T WANNA! Moments. We read books when it’s time for bed. We snuggle. But my fav time is when she’s truly engaged in the things I’m trying to teach her. Occasionally I’m followed by I don’t care. And that comes from another side of her life. I can’t turn her into me I know. But I can try to balance out her materialistic and uncaring side, with my money can’t buy you the important things and will not make you happy version.
I work, go to school, see her every other week (her dad & I have shared custody), and do all this in between stuff, but there never seems to be enough time. So what do I do?!